My Journey to Amman
Saturday 6 October 2012
Wednesday 8 August 2012
In the Pursuit of Joy
I call this part of my
journey the pursuit of Joy…
So far
I have travelled a thousand miles and met hundreds of people but very few have become special to me and I call my friends. Of these even a smaller
number stand out as those who know me inside out and I have come to trust these
people implicitly. They know what makes me tick and how I am wired and somehow
because they know me I am able to get to know myself a little bit better. I see
myself through their eyes and am beginning to realise that what I say and do,
because I trust and love them, is tailored to reflect my core to them; I laugh
more and am not afraid to cry in there presence.
However,
these relationships, don’t define me completely; there is a more
important one that moulds me and directs my actions. For this particular relationship
I am happy to step back and be corrected and go through a tough situation
knowing that He is watching my back and protects me. It has come to become a
relevant and realistic relationship, which has begun to define me more than my
ethnicity or my language preferences or my citizenship.
There
was a time when I would test out this relationship by asking for a car or a job
or a pair of boots; now the tide is shifting. I am happy to ask what he wants
from me. How would he like me to live out this particular journey and what
brings Him joy. It is bizarre but what gave me pleasure and joy before has
become completely bland and I struggle to see the importance of a fancy outfit
or a three-course meal except when it is filtered through a lens of purposefulness.
Don’t get me wrong; I still love beautiful things but my joy comes from the
reason I explore or experience these.
So
having established the fact that this joy is different and therefore the
experiential aspect is explored from a totally different approach; the mind
must set out to discover the extent of this Joy so that it is a constant part
of my life; my waking moments and my sleeping dreams. However, I know that the
pursuit of this Joy comes not from any action that I take but because of this special
relationship I am coming into. Colours seem brighter and the laughter of
children peals like bells in the mountains, resounding and echoing exuberance. As
I discover and delve deeper into this well, I come away refreshed and
reassured; my image of myself is changed at every step. Suddenly and
astonishingly, I discover that I was a mere shadow of what I am actually meant
to be. The grey of my endeavours is taking on a myriad of hues as I rest and
allow the relationship to define and reveal who I am actually meant to be. I
feel very much like an over grown rose bush and can do nothing about my
intertwined stems till my gardener picks up the secateurs lovingly and begins to
reveal my strong stem and free up the areas where the flowers will be free to
blossom.
I can
experience the fragrance grow stronger and more welcoming when I am in the His
presence and that is when someone walks over and mentions how pleasant and
beautiful I look. Then it does not matter what desert I am planted in for my
source of rejuvenation is the Lord. He will water me and I will bloom all the
better to please Him, for HE is my joy.
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